This is the very boring part of eating disorders, the aftermath. When you eat and hate that you eat. And yet of course you must eat. You donโt really entertain the notion of going back. You, with some startling new level of clarity, realize that going back would be far worse than simply being as you are. This is obvious to anyone without an eating disorder. This is not always obvious to you.
Marya HornbacherI developed a deep, abiding fear of jeans, which I still have. I hold my breath and shut my eyes when I pull on a pair in the dressing room, afraid they will now, as then, get stuck at my hips and there I will stand, absurd, staring at the excess of hips that should, if I were a good person, be โslimโ.
Marya HornbacherThe term โstarvation dietโ refers to 900 calories a day. I was on one-third of a starvation diet. What do you call that? One word that comes to my mind: โsuicide.
Marya Hornbacher