I think many people with a chronic illness would prefer not to have their chronic illness, simply because it's high maintenance.
Marya HornbacherOne really ought to be afraid of self-torture. But it tempted me. It begged. The dark place that my mind was fast becoming blends, in my memory, with the dark womb of church: the chant, the fugue of prayer, the strange erotic energy that carving a very small cross into my thigh with a nail had brought.
Marya HornbacherRecovery isnโt easy, at first. It takes time. It takes more work, sometimes, than you think youโre willing to do. But it is worth every hard day, every tear, every terrified moment. Itโs worth it, because the trade-off is this: you let go of your eating disorder, and you get back your life.
Marya Hornbacher[I] learned ... that friends are a good source of food and soul when one has not yet gotten the hang of cooking or living (as opposed to dying) alone. That nothing-not booze, not love, not sex, not work, not moving from state to state-will make the past disappear. Only time and patience heal things. I learned that cutting up your arms in an attempt to make the pain move from inside to outside, from soul to skin, is futile. That death is a cop-out. I tried all of these things.
Marya Hornbacher