Never invite to dinner: those who won't decide until the last minute; those who come more than half an hour late; those who want to bring along two or three friends; drunks; monologists; those who stay until three o'clock in the morning; those who think that conversation means having an argument; those who take a high moral tone; those who are stupid, ugly, or dull. Enforcement of these rules will enable one to eat alone every night in comfort.

Thrift is an attractive idea until you get down to specifics.

Blonds look angelic, but can (oh, happy!) be fleshy as well.

Romantics consider common sense vulgar.

The Puritan sours his pleasures by disguising them as duties.

Radical historians now the tell the story of Thanksgiving from the point of view of the turkey.

Attachments and bereavements are inseparable.