Mason Cooley Quotes

Never invite to dinner: those who won't decide until the last minute; those who come more than half an hour late; those who want to bring along two or three friends; drunks; monologists; those who stay until three o'clock in the morning; those who think that conversation means having an argument; those who take a high moral tone; those who are stupid, ugly, or dull. Enforcement of these rules will enable one to eat alone every night in comfort.

As desire recedes, the world becomes clear, pale, and empty.

The interest in Wisdom is fading. Soon there will not be enough left to support the aphorism, even though it tries to amuse by half-mocking the Wisdom it propounds.

The realist lies for advantage. The fantasist lies to give his dreams a flavor of reality.

I wish you joy of your unhappiness, since you cling to it so.

In middle age, going naked contributes little to public enjoyment.

As I criss-cross the city hurrying, I feel always the unchanging cold beneath the pavement.

Babies and the old are permitted self-absorption. In between, it provokes resentment.

Holding unconventional opinions makes people feel they have strong characters.

Self-realization is a comedown from salvation, but still gives us something to hope for.

The lion cares less about being king of the beasts than about finding his dinner.

Well-behaved: he always speaks as if his mother might be listening.

Saying "I love you" makes a demand, but creates no obligations.

Even the most fickle are faithful to a few bad habits.

Sometimes I discover I have changed my mind because I have forgotten what I used to think.

Curiosity is an asset mostly frittered away.

In philosophy, the principles are more interesting than the examples. In literature, the examples are more interesting than the principles.

Neat trick: to be roused to ambition and reconciled to one's mediocrity at the same time.

Talk shows are proof that conversation is dead.

At the dinner table, if you can't think of anything to say, sit quietly. Don't throw rolls, or chew on your napkin.

Three meals plus bedtime make four sure blessings a day.

Ideas about life organize perception; names of emotions organize sensations; rules of syntax organize thought. But pain comes on its own.

In adding up her assets, the ambitious lady calculated the worth of her beautiful body as coldly as everything else.

Rage against the world, if you like, but quietly, or the Guardians will awake.

Wisdom is founded on memory; happiness on forgetfulness.

The Olympian gods cannot have grand passions because they cannot die.

Spirituality now wanders from sex to drugs to art to revolution to violence--whatever seems to promise deliverance from the quotidian.

Language is the friendliest of the things from which we cannot escape.

Most self-laceration is more noisy than painful.

The exhibitionist loves to flirt with shame

Children pay little attention to their parents' teachings, but reproduce their characters faithfully

Readers transform a library from a mausoleum into many theaters.

The tragic hero prefers death to prudence. The comedian prefers playing tricks to winning. Only the villain really plays to win.

Family romances are the only ones that never turn out happily.

Good places for aphorisms: in fortune cookies, on bumper stickers, and on banners flying over the Palace of Free Advice.

I am most drawn to writing when I have something else urgent to do.

Cats are inquisitive, but hate to admit it.

I criticize myself ruthlessly, but never mention the faults of which I am truly ashamed.

Don't stare into a mirror when you are trying to solve a problem.

I have forgiven you. Nevertheless, begone!

The life of pleasure breeds boredom. The life of duty breeds resentment.

Free competition exists inside shelters of law, custom, insurance, political approval, and carefully protected status.

The sun cares nothing for illumination.

The limits of prudence: one cannot jump out of a burning building gradually.

A Museum of fetishes would give special attention to the history of underwear.

The pleasantest part of work is having done it.

In love, self-love is always at risk.

More are weakened than strengthened by their troubles.