We're going to die," Keith said, the moment he was gone. "This man is a serial killer. We're going to die, and he's going to bury us in his garden and build a shed on us.

My final word: don't follow your dreams . . . chase them. With a stick, or a shovel, or whatever you have handy. Get that [bleep]ing dream!

Hey! Jack the Wanker! Over here! I want your autograph!

It could have been like a fairy tale. But fairy tales aren't real. Things don't work like that. There's a price for everything.

Harry Potter achieved a very special act of actual magic: it made it completely acceptable for an adult to carry around, read and enjoy a childrens book.

Were you playing with Stuart?" she asked. The question was loaded. I was a filthy, filthy woman, and even the five-year-old knew it.

Braiiinnnnssss," we said in unison. "It's both sad and incredibly impressive that you were all ready with that one.