I, a late riser, fantasise about getting up every morning at 5 A.M. to fetch the horses in from the fields.

The average attention span of the modern human being is about half as long as whatever youre trying to tell them.

I can't even trust my own imaginary dog. How much lower can a person get?

And after awhile of this my brain and my body and every single inch of me that was alive was flooded with the feeling that I was starving, starving for Edmond. And what a coincidence, that was the feeling I loved best in the world.

Osbert was the only one who didn't seem suspicious. He was so interested in the Decline of Western Civilization that he missed the version of it taking place under his nose.

Ask any comedian, tennis player, chef. Timing is everything.

The things that break your heart when you think there`s nothing left to break