If someone asks me where I bought something I’m wearing, I will usually say I don’t remember.

Feel completely unable to do anything. Try to picture your life in five years. It really seems like you will be dead.

I want to pull very long, multi-colored strings out of my brain and place them next to a bowl of Doritos at a party

Being sick feels like you're wearing someone else's glasses.

If someone asks me where I bought something I’m wearing, I will usually say I don’t remember.

I could never be a sports writer, unless my assignment was to write 'sports sports sports sports sports' for three pages.

I can't believe food costs money.