I'm a frustrated stand-up comic. If you hand me a microphone and I get one laugh, then I'll go on for 20 minutes.
Michael CaineIf you're blond, as I am, and you have blond lashes, you have to wear mascara, otherwise you're invisible on stage.
Michael CaineA lot of people said, Who do you think you are? I told them I know exactly who I am and I'll tell you exactly where I'm going.
Michael Caine