Maybe it's time we all stop trying to outsmart the truth and let it have its day.

The trouble with women? Elbows.

If you're a gardener you don't need a gym. [...] You're always carrying large sacks of manure all over.

I come from the slums; I come from a hard background; I come from a poor family; and I was a soldier.

There's quite a lot of bad stuff written about me. My wife even says a lot of bad stuff about me. But she is wonderful.

I don't want to sound like Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells, but I do think there should be some sort of national service for young men.

If you held a pistol at my head, I couldn't tell you who they're going to vote for Best Actor.