I've got a little baby, I made him...He doesn't speak, he's 2...He's a slow learner, he's only got 2 words...car and map...I'm slightly worried he's trying to escape. If his next word is passport we are in serious trouble!

Normally you have news, weather and travel.....but not on snow day, on snow day news is weather is travel.

I'm glad Carol Vorderman has left Countdown, I mean it's not like she did much. She was effectively just an autistic shelf-stacker.

So you're mother? Nice to put a name to a face.

They had to ask spain I think, they've had to say to Spain, can you lend us some stuff for the roads, and it's Gordon Brown phoning up going 'pass the salt'

There are only two conditions where you’re allowed to wake up a woman on a lie-in: it’s snowing or the death of a celebrity.

I've got a little baby, I made him...He doesn't speak, he's 2...He's a slow learner, he's only got 2 words...car and map...I'm slightly worried he's trying to escape. If his next word is passport we are in serious trouble!