We're never gonna get rid of crazy people. They've been around for thousands of years - they'll continue to be around; they'll continue to do horrible things.

I voted for the black guy, and what we got was the white guy

I realized that this was the big secret of democracy -- that change can occur by starting off with just a few people doing something.

A common denominator among big guys like me who are trying to take care of our health is that we're not getting enough sleep.

Oprah's got good politics, she's got a good heart, and she'll have us all up Jazzercising at six in the morning. This cannot be a bad thing, and reading a book while we're Jazzercising. So America would be better off if Oprah were president.

A lot of people on Capitol Hill don't want to talk to me.

Hey, here's a way to stop suicide bombings - give the Palestinians a bunch of missile-firing Apache helicopters and let them and the Israelis go at each other head to head. Four billion dollars a year to Israel - four billion dollars a year to the Palestinians - they can just blow each other up and leave the rest of us the hell alone.