I'm writing a memoir. I'm four pages in. I start with my first memory, which is kicking my uncle in the balls. I was four.

In my perfect world order, it is cold all the time. Everyone wears sweaters and drinks coffee. People don't speak to each other; they read the newspaper. There is no loud music, and cats are in charge.

I knew that if I was going to write a book, I was going to have to read one, too.

I tend to a lot of improvisational ranting, and that's fun. For me, stand-up has been, performance-wise, a really good outlet.

I'm not sure why I like cats so much. I mean, they're really cute obviously. They are both wild and domestic at the same time.

That's the thing that most people don't realize. In real life, comedians aren't funny. They save it. They save it up.

Love is such a confusing word. You think I'm joking but I'm not.