If you wonder what the difference between them and me is, I'll break the news: you never heard of them. Most of them ... can fight almost as good as I can. I'm just saying you never heard of them.

It's hard to be humble, when you're as great as I am.

Frazier is so ugly that he should donate his face to the US Bureau of Wild Life.

I'll beat him so bad he'll need a shoehorn to put his hat on.

I'm not the greatest; I'm the double greatest. Not only do I knock 'em out, I pick the round.

Santa Claus was white and everything bad was black. The little ugly duckling was the black duck, and the black cat was the bad luck. And if I threaten you, I'm going to blackmail you.I said, 'Momma, why don't they call it 'whitemail'? They lie too.'

Enjoy your children, even when they don't act the way you want them to.