Santa Claus was white and everything bad was black. The little ugly duckling was the black duck, and the black cat was the bad luck. And if I threaten you, I'm going to blackmail you.I said, 'Momma, why don't they call it 'whitemail'? They lie too.'

Wisdom is knowing when you can't be wise.

I don't always know what I'm talking about, but I know I'm right.

That computer was made in Alabama

Enjoy your children, even when they don't act the way you want them to.

Holmes is so ugly, his grandmother said when he started to cry the tears would stop and roll down the back of his head.

I can't believe some of the things I did.Can't believe it. Sayin' I was the greatest and the beautifulist and I was gonna whup this guy and that guy, sayin' I'm pretty, I can't be beat.