Some get stoned, some get strange, but sooner or later it all gets real.

I got religion in the airport, my Lord. They caught me waiting on my baggage when I was bored.

The person who still blushes is not yet a degenerate.

Wooden ships are a hippie dream, capsized in excess if you know what I mean.

You know how the press is: If I mention one mistake, that's the only thing that bothers me unless I mention all the other ones.

I love it when people yell at me about the environment and then I tell 'em I'm burning 90% cleaner than them.

We have a thousand points of light for the homeless man. We've got a kinder gentler machine gun hand.