Trying to save a hater is like trying to teach astrophysics to a wino!

One thing about being a stand-up is it's a one-man show. You gotta do everything. You're the producer, writer, director, and the actor. You just gotta be out there and perform and give your all. It's such an honest form of art that it just taught me so much, and it kind of prepared me for manhood at an early age.

It's blasphemous, don't get distracted by these lottery tickets and statues. It's just fake gold and plastic... We crying for votes but how many of us is on the board. Better yet, when's the last time you showed up and supported the NAACP Awards?

We're gonna do it like George Foreman. We're gonna name all of our kids Mariah no matter if they're boys or girls. Mariah No. 1, Boy Mariah, Man Mariah, Tall Mariah. It's gonna be a house full of people named Mariah.

I was 16 years old, driving to LA, and sleeping in my car, just trying to make it happen.

Real men change diapers!

I always try to be optimistic, but not to the point where I'm getting on people's nerves.