The older I get, the less I remember.

And remember, the people that you've seen here tonight are professionals, so please don't try any of this at home, because you are ugly and hung like a hampster.

It's nice to have someone write a couture character for you.

I'm comedy's forgotten nearly man.

I'd like to play the voice of the Iron in the Monopoly movie.

I was an amazing bartender and a great waiter. I think, in a way, that was my acting school.

I don't regret anything that I've turned down, and I don't regret anything that I've done, really.