That's what you get for ignoring the beauty of Tupperware.

The Brit abroad is always the voice of caution. Persons of other cultures are known to be undisciplined, prone to leaning out of car windows and cooking with garlic.

Children, bored and opinionated, are scholars of the most dogmatic stripe.

A woman who can eat a real bruschetta is a woman you can love and who can love you. Someone who pushes the thing away because it's messy is never going to cackle at you toothlessly across the living room of your retirement cottage or drag you back from your sixth heart attack by sheer furious affection. Never happen. You need a woman who isn't afraid of a faceful of olive oil for that.

Law is error, you see. It's an attempt to write down a lot of things everyone ought to know anyway.

I have known heaven, and now I am in hell, and there are mimes.

Nowhere have I ever heard of Satan taking the form of an avuncular hippie. No doubt he could. It just seems inefficient.