[On George W. Bush:] How is it possible that the president is off on vacation and the vice president is, too? Not that it matters that much if the president is on vacation; on some level, the president is always on vacation.

You can't retrieve you life (unless you're on Wikipedia, in which case you can retrieve an inaccurate version of it).

If Sigmund Freud had watched Phil Donahue he would never have wondered what women want.

When your children are teenagers, it's important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

Eat every meal as if it's your last; when the last one comes, you probably won't be very hungry.

I've always felt that one of the mistakes people make is that they try to do something that is just slightly beyond their skill set, and then feel they've failed.

I am not a new journalist, whatever that is. I just sit here at the typewriter and bang away at the old forms.