I’m really not interested in women as victims. Look at me, I get the last laugh ‘cause I get to be funny about it.

You can't meet someone until you become what you're becoming.

Here are some questions I am constantly noodling over: Do you splurge or do you hoard? Do you live every day as if it's your last, or do you save your money on the chance you'll live twenty more years? Is life too short, or is it going to be too long? Do you work as hard as you can, or do you slow down to smell the roses? And where do carbohydrates fit into all this? Are we really all going to spend our last years avoiding bread, especially now that bread in American is so unbelievable delicious? And what about chocolate?

When you slip on a banana peel, people laugh at you. But when you tell people you slipped on a banana peel, it's your laugh.

It had better be quirky or perverse or thoughtful enough so that you hit some chord in them. I mean we've all read pieces where we thought, 'Oh, who gives a damn.'

What will happen to sex after liberation? Frankly, I don't know. It is a great mystery to all of us.

There is no reason to confuse television news with journalism.