When I countered that Archie Bunker didn't have to put down a race of people to say that, he replied, 'and you're the dumbest white kid I've ever met.'

We all [Ed Simmons,Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis] started together, so there were no rules - anything we wrote became television.

That's the heart of it: My shows were not that controversial with the American people. They were controversial with the people who think for the American people.

If there is a reason to believe in God, it would be the Havana Leaf.

I think what's dangerous is 24 hours a day, 335 channels, or whatever the hell there is. Too much is too much.

Success is how you collect your minutes.

I think somehow I got a sense of the foolishness of the human - my favorite phrase, the foolishness of the human condition.