If I could play drums like Patrick Carney or Taylor Hawkins, I'd be a really happy person.

A lot of people assume that women of a certain age who are not unattractive have no excuse for not having a perfect life. But you can have emotional baggage that is dragging you down like cement blocks tied to your feet.

I was a tomboy and I didn't have a bunch of brothers but I always wanted them and so I sort of adopted a few of my great friends to be my brother.

I wanted to be on 'Saturday Night Live' since I was ten.

I had imaginary friends and even they were mean to me.

I could find David Beckham naked in a cardboard box on my doorstep and I would drop him off at the pound.

So are all the kids on the East Coast repeating school next year? Get ready to see a lot of hairy eighth graders. Storm brain drain.