The only people who think children are carefree are the ones who've forgotten their own childhood.

The univers is statistically more likely to be ironic than not.

I've had your tears with mine, and you've had mine with yours. I think that's more intimate even than a kiss.

If the other fellow can't tell you his story, you can never be sure he isn't trying to kill you.

Andrew said you were the best person he ever knew." "He reached that conclusion before he saw me raise three barbarian children to adulthood. I understand your mother has six." "Right." "And you're the oldest." "Yes." "That's too bad. Parents always make their worst mistakes with the oldest children. That's when parents know the least and care the most, so they're more likely to be wrong and also more likely to insist that they're right.

And if you're going to criticize me for not finishing the whole thing and tying it up in a bow for you, why, do us both a favor and write your own damn book, only have the decency to call it a romance instead of a history, because history's got no bows on it, only frayed ends of ribbons and knots that can't be untied. It ain't a pretty package, but then it's not your birthday that I know of so I'm under no obligation to give you a gift.

Home is anywhere that you know all your friends and all your enemies.