There was no doubt now in Ender's mind. There was no help for him. Whatever he faced, now and forever, no one would save him from it. Peter might be scum, but Peter had been right, always right; the power to cause pain is the only power that matters, the power to kill and destroy, because if you can't kill then you are always subject to those who can, and nothing and no one will ever save you.

The lies we live will always be confessed in the stories that we tell.

It will hurt." said Petra. "But let's make the most of what we have, and not let future pain ruin present happiness.

Oh, I'll live Ender's life, too. It's so much more interesting than my own." ~Val

And what? What's the other choice? To passively let things happen and then say: "Tut-tut, what at botch that was"? Don't we all manipulate people? Even if we openly ask them to make a choice, don't we try to frame it so they'll chose as we think they should?

If he was a good man, how could he leave me? So he must not be a good man. But if he isn't good, then why does it hurt so much to lose him?

I think you don't grow up until you stop worrying about other people's purposes or lack of them and find the purposes you believe in for yourself.