I don’t write this letter to put bitterness into your heart, but to pluck it out of mine. For my own sake I must forgive you.

A virtuous abstinence from the joys of pederasty comes most easily to those who have no taste for it.

Religion is like a blind man looking in a black room for a black cat that isn't there, and finding it.

Oh, how I vainly wished to the bearded man in the sky that I was Neapolitan. Why? So I could bring in a fine Neapolitan pest control to help with Queensberry's problem before it gets out of hand.

Life is like a box of terrible analogies.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

Through our sunless lanes creeps Poverty with her hungry eyes, and Sin with his sodden face follows close behind her. Misery wakes us in the morning and Shame sits with us at night.