The best work in literature is always done by those who do not depend on it for their daily bread and the highest form of literature, Poetry, brings no wealth to the singer.

When I went to America I had two secretaries, one for autographs, one for locks of hair. Within six months the one had died of writer's cramp, the other was completely bald.

Jack: Actually, I was found. Lady Bracknell: Found? Jack: Uh, yes, I was in... a handbag. Lady Bracknell: A handbag? Jack: Yes, it was... [makes gestures] Jack: an ordinary handbag.

Now that the House of Commons is trying to become useful, it does a great deal of harm.

It takes a thoroughly good woman to do a thoroughly stupid thing

One can survive everything, nowadays, except death, and live down everything except a good reputation.

Let me be dressed as I will, yet flies worms and flowers exceed me still.