Punctuality is the thief of time

There is only one real tragedy in a woman's life. The fact that her past is always her lover, and her future invariably her husband.

A good friend will always stab you in the front.

In one dancing saloon I saw the only rational method of art criticism I have ever come across. Over the piano was printed a notice: 'Please do not shoot the pianist. He is doing his best.'

There is much to be said in favor of modern journalism. By giving us the opinions of the uneducated, it keeps us in touch with the ignorance of the community. By carefully chronicling the current events of contemporary life, it shows us of what very little importance such events really are. By invariably discussing the unnecessary, it makes us understand what things are requisite for culture, and what are not.

I gave my genius to my life, but my talent to my art.

How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.