Irony is wasted on the stupid

The advantage of the emotions is that they lead us astray.

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

Oh, how I vainly wished to the bearded man in the sky that I was Neapolitan. Why? So I could bring in a fine Neapolitan pest control to help with Queensberry's problem before it gets out of hand.

The sick do not ask if the hand that smoothes their pillow is pure, nor the dying care if the lips that touch their brow have known the kiss of sin.

One must have some sort of occupation nowadays. If I hadn't my debts I shouldn't have anything to think about.

Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast.