Alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, may produce all the effects of drunkenness.

Never speak disrespectfully of Society, Algernon. Only people who can’t get into it do that.

True contentment is not having everything, but in being satisfied with everything you have.

The weather is entrancing, but in my heart there is no sun.

I must say to myself that I ruined myself, and that nobody great or small can be ruined except by his own hand. I am quite ready to say so. ... Terrible as was what the world did to me, what I did to myself was far more terrible still.

Women love us for our defects. If we have enough of them, they will forgive us everything, even our gigantic intellects.

I can resist anything but the temptation to make a clever witticism.