There is no sin except stupidity.

Always! That is a dreadful word. It makes me shudder when I hear it. Women are so fond of using it. They spoil every romance by trying to make it last forever. It is a meaningless word, too. The only difference between a caprice and a life-long passion is that the caprice lasts a little longer.

Jack: Actually, I was found. Lady Bracknell: Found? Jack: Uh, yes, I was in... a handbag. Lady Bracknell: A handbag? Jack: Yes, it was... [makes gestures] Jack: an ordinary handbag.

If it took Labouchere three columns to prove that I was forgotten, then there is no difference between fame and obscurity.

Crying is the refuge of plain women but the ruin of pretty ones.

I am a man of simple pleasures. The best suits me perfectly.

If one hears bad music, it is one's duty to drown it by one's conversation.