To have friends, you know, one need only be good-natured; but when a man has no enemy left there must be something mean about him.

If it is not nailed to the floor, it's mine. If I can pry it loose, it is not nailed down.

If people were meant to be nude, they would have been born this way.

Sometimes it takes courage to give into temptation.

In England people actually try to be brilliant at breakfast. That is so dreadful of them! Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast.

I tried to visit Albania but I couldn't find it on the map.

I have never killed anyone, but I have often read about some guy getting his ass taken out with great pleasure