I prefer women with a past. They're always so damned amusing to talk to.

Between the optimist and the pessimist, the difference is droll. The optimist sees the doughnut; the pessimist the hole!

Football is all very well as a game for rough girls, but is hardly suitable for delicate boys.

It is a vulgar error to suppose that America was ever discovered. It was merely detected.

Ambition is the last refuge of the failure.

Anyone can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathize with a friend's success.

Pessimist: One who, when he has the choice of two evils, chooses both.