Has anybody ever seen a dramatic critic in the daytime? Of course not. They come out after dark, up to no good.

An apple a day, if well aimed, keeps the doctor away.

Chumps always make the best husbands. All the unhappy marriages come from the husbands having brains.

It is not the being paid money in advance that jars the sensitive artist: it is the having to work.

If there is one thing I dislike, it is the man who tries to air his grievances when I wish to air mine.

What earthly good is golf? Life is stern and life is earnest. We live in a practical age. All around us we see foreign competition making itself unpleasant. And we spend our time playing golf? What do we get out of it? Is golf any use? That's what I'm asking you. Can you name me a single case where devotion to this pestilential pastime has done a man any practical good?

In his normal state he would not strike a lamb. I’ve known him to do it’ ‘Do what?’ ‘Not strike lambs