I don't enjoy going out anymore It's such a pain. It's everyone saying, 'Let's do a deal! Can I have a picture?' I'm just, like, 'These people are such losers. I can't believe I used to love doing this.

Whatever I write in email, it doesn't mean anything. It is just words I write.

Wal-mart... do they like make walls there?

First I wanted to be a veterinarian. And then I realized you had to give them shots to put them to sleep, so I decided I'd just buy a bunch of animals and have them in my house instead.

The Backstreet Boys were so ten years ago. Whatever.

Being a President I will carry out a foreign-policy platform that will transform America's role in the world to that of a proactive, not reactive, superpower that will use diplomacy and incentives to head off trouble in unstable regions before they unravel out of control. I will also be wearing platform shoes when I meet with foreign dignitaries to accentuate my well-toned calves.

I'm not a kid anymore. And I'm excited for all the amazing things to come.