For the women in California, they're just downtrodden because they're so gorgeous here. Every hot cheerleader comes to California to make it. The men don't want to get married, they're lazy lions. Matthew McConaughey is their poster boy so they can procreate and live on the beach in the trailer and have kids and have money and be hedonistic.

Think back to yourself at age 18. I know I was mighty different than the Patti I am today. As we grow up, we grow out of our haircuts, our apartments and - often times - our romantic decisions.

Women are smart in business and dumb in love. They won't date outside their zip code, let alone outside the city. They are city snobs.

I'm recognizable in certain circles, like girls know me, couples know me. But not all straight men know me.

It's not easy to date when you're hefty. Besides I like feeling thin because it makes me feel amorous.

If you're going to get engaged make sure you've talked to your partner about life together in the years to come.

I have a gift. I just know what I'm doing.