So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred or ignorance, just look it in the eye and think, 'The good outnumber you, and we always will.'

I love the beginning of Magnolia, the thing about the dealer. That scene is genius. Brilliantly acted.

The process is to me is going onstage night after night after night after night until I get a new hour. And then once that hour is solidified and recorded, I move on.

If Kevin James or Paul Giamatti drop weight, I'm done. I don't want to be the last pudge out there.

My advice to you is be boring, square, asshole parents... When I have kids, the most recent CD I will own - Phil Collins, No Jacket Required, and I'll rave about it. 'Do you like rock 'n' roll? 'Cause this is rockin' good stuff, kid.'

Wars are usually really popular with people that aren't gonna be affected by them. 'Cause it's just entertainment, and it's just weird, like, "Well, we've got to show the world that we're strong." No we don't. And by the way, that has nothing to do with you. Why are you equating yourself with that&#Array; you know what I mean?

I think right now is the best time for stand-up, ever. I sincerely do.