He was born early. But he was born within a safe range of premature.

New parents always sound like hucksters in a pyramid scheme. Anyone who has kids and then gets you to go and have kids gets a check from Huckster Headquarters.

Once in a while you get a moment of clarity - an inspiration - and they don't come that frequently.

I used to walk into a party and scan the room for attractive women. Now I look for women to hold my baby so I can eat potato salad sitting down.

Younger kids, they understand that things aren't so perfect with their father or with their mother.

In the history of life, no good news has followed that sentence ["We have to talk."].

Just because a baby cries, I discovered, doesn't mean there's always something wrong. Sometimes babies wake up for no real reason. They just want to check if they're doing it right. "This is Sleeping, right?" "Exactly." "I just lie here?" "That's right." "Okay." Then back to sleep they go.