The problem is no longer that with every pair of hands that comes into the world there comes a hungry stomach. Rather it is that, attached to those hands are sharp elbows.

The sad truth is that it is precisely those who disagree most with the hypothesis of efficient market pricing of stocks, those who pooh-pooh beta analysis and all that, who are least able to understand the analysis needed to test that hypothesis.

Still, I figure we shouldn't' discourage fans of actively managed funds. With all their buying and selling, active investors ensure the market is reasonably efficient. That makes it possible for the rest of us to do the sensible thing, which is to index. Want to join me in this parasitic behavior? To build a well-diversified portfolio, you might stash 70 percent of your stock portfolio into a Wilshire 5000-index fund and the remaining 30 percent in an international-index fund.

It is not easy to get rich in Las Vegas, at Churchill Downs, or at the local Merrill Lynch office.

We are like highly trained athletes, who never run a race.

You know what happiness is: 'Having a little more money than your colleagues.' And that's not so tough in academic life.

Investing should be more like watching paint dry or watching grass grow. If you want excitement, take $800 and go to Las Vegas.