I went to the University of Life and was chucked out.

One of the ways to avoid being beaten by the system is to laugh at it.

As I looked out into the night sky, across all those infinite stars, it made me realize how insignificant they are.

I could have been a Judge, but I never had the Latin for the judgin'. I never had it, so I'd had it, as far as being a judge was concerned... I would much prefer to be a judge than a coal miner because of the absence of falling coal.

I am blind -- but I am able to read thanks to a wonderful new system known as 'broil' . . . I'm sorry, I'll just feel that again.

The thing that makes you know that Vernon Ward is a good painter is if you look at his ducks, you can see the eyes follow you around the room.

Job was what you'd technically describe as a loony.