I never do the dishes, because my husband has an affinity for it. And I'm also not allowed to touch the coffeemaker.

You do it with your own two hands, so there's a sense of pride. You really do forget all our problems, because you're focusing on the food.

I do sit-ups and push-ups at home, and that's about it. I have a gym card, but I never go there. It's a front. I pay for the membership every couple of years, thinking I'll be embarrassed enough to go. But every time I go, there's like people twice my age that look twice as good!

Work hard. Laugh when you feel like crying. Keep an open mind, open eyes and an open spirit.

I don't have to write jokes. I don't have to write insults. If you ask the man of the hour in the hot seat, my mere existence is clearly insult enough.

I wish I could be as thin as Jessica Simpson. I think she looks gorgeous! I have had Jessica on my show several times, and I can tell you that girl is genuine and funny with a great self-deprecating sense of humor.

When you're out grocery shopping for your family, maybe you can put a can of cat or dog food in your cart and bring it to an animal relief center.