Exactly what part of that is supposed to make me feel better?" Though, honestly, hearing that she was jealous of me did make me feel a teeny, tiny bit better.

I'm searching for a shred of humanity in that shriveled tangle of arteries you call a heart.

You should be careful, tossing descriptors like that around in a situation like this. My ‘problem’ isn’t little. Unless you’re drawing some pretty wild comparisons. Please tell me you’re not drawing wild comparisons. Or blood-relative comparisons.

So could we please not mob the three-thousand-plus-year-old reaper like tweens at a boy-band concert?

Now if you’ll excuse me, Death waits for no man. Except me.

You think he left a big flashing arrow pointing to a filing cabinet labeled 'Evidence Here!'? He's a Stray, Ethan, not Wile E. Coyote!

What if I was the sexual equivalent of popcorn? Suitable for light snacking only?