You can't build joy on a feeling of self-loathing.
Those particular thoughts that are painful - love them. I love them to death!
Unconditional love really exists in each of us. It is part of our deep inner being. It is not so much an active emotion as a state of being. It's not 'I love you' for this or that reason, not 'I love you if you love me.' It's love for no reason, love without an object.
The gift you offer another person is just your being.
This society is not 'user-friendly' for older people.
And then the witness, if you go down into the witness, that has the spiritual being. Down there, in your soul, you'll get far more love than you ever got out there.