There's no possibility of being witty without a little ill-nature - the malice of a good thing is the barb that makes it stick.

If I reprehend anything in this world, it is the use of my oracular tongue, and a nice derangement of epitaphs!

Steal! to be sure they may; and, egad, serve your best thoughts as gypsies do stolen children,-disfigure them to make 'em pass for their own.

He is the very pineapple of politeness.

Here 's to the maiden of bashful fifteen; Here 's to the widow of fifty; Here 's to the flaunting, extravagant queen, And here 's to the housewife that 's thrifty! Let the toast pass; Drink to the lass; I 'll warrant she 'll prove an excuse for the glass.

If it is abuse, - why one is always sure to hear of it from one damned goodnatured friend or another!

O Lord, Sir - when a heroine goes mad she always goes into white satin.