It haunted him all night, while he slept alone; it was still there in the morning, when he swallowed his coffee and backed down the driveway in the crumpled old Ford. And riding to work, one of the youngest and healthiest passengers on the train, he sat with the look of a man condemned to a very slow, painless death. He felt middle-aged.
Richard YatesHe knew it was possible for shame to be nursed and doctored like an illness, if you wanted to keep it separate from the rest of your life, but that didn't mean there'd be any way to keep from knowing it was there.
Richard YatesYour cowardly self-delusions about โloveโ when you know as well as I do that thereโs never been anything between us but contempt and distrust and a terrible sickly dependence on each otherโs weakness- thatโs why. Thatโs why I couldnโt stop laughing about the Inability to Love, and thatโs why I canโt stand to let you touch me, and thatโs why Iโll never again believe in anything you think, let alone anything you say
Richard YatesWhat a subtle, treacherous thing it was to let yourself go that way! Because once you've started it was terribly difficult to stop; soon you were saying "I'm sorry, of course you're right", and "Whatever you think is best", and "you're the most wonderful and valuable thing int he world", and the next thing you knew all honesty, all truth, was as far away and glimmering, as hopelessly unattainable as the world of the golden people.
Richard Yates