If somebody offers you Hapi pills, just say no!

This is the Wilderness School. 'Where the Kids are animals

Mrs. O' Leary is my pet. I couldn't let you stick a sword in her rump, now, could I? That might've scared her.

Life is only precious because it ends, kid.

Frank stared at her. "But you throw Ding Dongs at monsters." Iris looked horrified. "Oh, they're not Ding Dongs." She rummaged under the counter and brought out a package of chocolate covered cakes that looked exactly like Ding Dongs. "These are gluten-free, no-sugar-added, vitamin-enriched, soy-free, goat-milk-and-seaweed-based cupcake simulations." "All natural!" Fleecy chimed in. "I stand corrected." Frank suddenly felt as queasy as Percy.

Ever had a flying burrito hit you? Well, it's a deadly projectile, right up there with cannonballs and grenades.

I concentrated hard and snapped my fingers. "You don't see the sword," I told the girl. "It's just a ballpoint pen." She blinked. "Um . . . no. It's a sword, weirdo.