Regardless of the cause, none of your problems could happen without God's permission.
I've always said the shoes must never tell the foot how big to be.
The most essential quality for leadership is not perfection but credibility. People must be able to trust you.
You are as close to God as you choose to be.
At most, you will live a hundred years on earth, but you will spend forever in eternity.
So when you say who does Christ die for? He died for the church, okay. I don't think God's death on the cross through Christ was a failure, if you are saying that. I do not believe that anybody he intended to die for is failing in that area.