I would kill for a cheeseburger. Honestly. If I stumbled across someone eating a cheeseburger, I would kill them for it.

In case you're an alien and you're reading this: BITE ME.

My first favourite book was Are You My Mother? A picture book about a lost bird. After that my favourites changed almost yearly. I loved everything by Roald Dahl, but my favourite was probably Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. A librarian gave me a first edition of that book, which I treasure.

A man lies upon the floor, spreads his arms, and transforms himself into a ship of a thousand sails.

We are very much like them: indiscriminate killers, ruled by drives little acknowledged and less understood, mindlessly territorial and murderously jealous - the only significant difference being that they have yet to master our expertise in hypocrisy, the gift of our superior intellect that enables us to slaughter one another in droves, more often than not under the auspices of an approving god!

Then I strip the pants away from each leg, like peeling a banana. That's it, the perfect metaphor: peeling a banana.

The minute we decide that one person doesn´t matter anymore, they´ve won.