People always say, "When did you know you were funny?" They don't mean that in a bad way - this already makes me sound like such a jerk.

Don't ever use duct tape on your privates. That's what I always tell people.

I didn't believe in Bigfoot.I just thought, "No, that would be impossible. You know, we would have found Bigfoot by now. We would've found some skeletons, we would've found some sort of proof of Bigfoot." So, I didn't believe for a long time, but obviously this is the year we find Bigfoot. And obviously all scientists agree that there's definitely Bigfoot.There's no reason to debate it. It's like debating climate change. There's no reason to debate climate change anymore. There's no reason to debate whether there's Bigfoot. Clearly, the yeti exists.

I've seen Jaws [movie], like, 800 times. And I love it.

If you're going to steal a car, don't steal a mail vehicle. They don't mess around. I mean, have fun, steal all the cars you want, but don't steal a U.S. Mail vehicle.

Most monuments are not something you're going to keep me out of. And I go to a lot of monuments.

I've gotten to go to a lot of places that I never would have been able to go and been able to meet a lot of people. And every now and then you'll be doing something and you're like, "I can't believe I get to do this."