You'd think if anyone could charm America into caring about the evening news, it would be Katie Couric, the Tri Delt from Virginia who became America's sweetheart on the 'Today' show. But her ratings have been dismal - she comes in last place every week.

I was totally clueless about social interaction, and completely scared of girls. All I knew was that music was going to make girls fall in love with me.

Morrissey was my Mrs. Garrett, the house mother from the Facts of Life, a soothing adult figure giving me words of wisdom.

Monogamous musicians are like vegan hockey players.

'American Horror' is the debasement of the suburban family, the way a lonely kid would have imagined it in the Seventies.

It takes only one bad amp to turn your ears to oatmeal: That's how old hippies became Yanni fans.

When we die, we will turn into songs, and we will hear each other and remember each other.