Hell is a half-filled auditorium.
The difference between a man and his valet: they both smoke the same cigars, but only one pays for them.
If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane.
All the fun is in how you say a thing.
A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.
Earth's the right place for love. I don't know where it's likely to go better.